Life Affected Me!

I have to come to realize how nurturing the small things that make you happy is key to mental and emotional health.
In the years of mom's long fight with dementia and now her recent passing, we were all affected.  Each in our own way - in different ways.

My sister and I have gone through something that has created a special bond between us for life.  We stood arm in arm in the Lion's Den, refusing to let go of each other.  We would face it, together.

I had become overwhelmed by the big things in life, the sad, the unbearable, the hard-to-accomplish things and even the little things became big.  I actually hurt myself trying unrealistically to fix things I could not possibly fix.

Mountains kept popping up all around me and the little happy things got lost. And I am not talking the mountains I love to visit like Colo or NM, I am talking about the ones that take more than I've got to cross or go around.  Do I hate how all this affected me?  Yes, but I cannot say that it could have been averted.  Very importantly, I have stopped trying to analyze it, stopped trying to put labels on each event and shortcoming.  Trying to get the answers to all the "Why's" in our life will hurt you.  Sometimes you just gotta let it go.

Bottom line, I refuse to allow that cloud to stay over me or to let it affect my life negatively in any way going forward.

I am making the "choice" to move forward.  To remember, yes, but I am leaving the bad behind and focusing on the good, learn from it and move on, back to living happy.
I refuse to give place to regrets.  What happens in my life I will look at it, learn from it, pack away the negative as much as I humanly can and nurture the positive!  Jesus Hold My Hand!

Lake of fire means something to me!  If you feel like dredging up the bad - turn and walk the other way.  Hope rules here!

I really and truly, without a doubt, feel that this life, my life is a gift from God.
I want to and strive to, start everyday anew.  Do I always succeed, no.  But I refuse to stop trying, steadfast in the effort, you start succeeding more than you fail.  Practice, practice, practice!
I may not be the best ball player on the field, but I'm in the game and I am playing!

Life can be very hard and we are all different, please stop judging people, you have no idea what is going on in their life or in their heart, just stop.  Pain in the heart manifests in many different ways in people you cannot imagine.

Will there be bad, sad or hard things in our lives, yes and God will help us handle them if we let Him.
And then life goes on.  (channeling my inner M'Lynn!)

So I make my lists:
1. Things that make me happy - nurture them, do them!
2. Things I can fix - fix them, or at least start...
3. Things I cannot fix - pray, pray, pray and literally hand them over to God, He is better at fixing than I am!
4. Make these my goals, act like it and share:  Love, smiles, hope and believe!
I got a life to live, it ain't over yet!

The Good Lord willing, I am going to love my family, write, read, travel, dance and much much more!
I love my mom so much, I know her and I know what she would say to me today and it is good.  She was loving and kind.  She was steadfast, independent and stubborn.  She was a warrior for God and faithful.
I will follow her lead and make the most of my life, to remember what is important and getter done!

Her funeral service was a celebration and it proved what an affect one person's life can have on many.  Did she have an easy life, no way.  Did she have a hard life and make the best of it, yes, in a very big way!  I will follow her lead, I thank you mom! I love you mom!