I was in the service desk in Norwich when I walked by a monitor room and saw way too many people in that room staring up at the top monitor, a tv showing the first tower just hit. I stopped as several others did and my first utterance was "was that a commercial plane?" My thoughts were fast and scrambled. I had a conference call meeting just about to start and took off for the conference room, where only one person joined me. On my way to that room, I got a call on my cel phone. It was my very upset daughter, my kids knew I flew every week, but I did not send out an itinerary to them every week. So of course they were panicked about me and where I was this day and was I on a plane. Reassuring her with instructions to let others know I am ok, I talked to one of the other two, and my mom and sister before the cel phones stopped working.
The meeting didn't last long, only 3 others joined, one to say that our clients, defense companies, were on lock down and business would not go as usual today. I told the one girl in the room with me to go and connect with her family and I left quickly and went back to my hotel room. I arrived just in time to see on the news the second plane had hit. I used the landline phone in my room to speak with family again and try to find out about my colleagues and their safety.
Let's stop a moment for feelings... I was shocked and scared. I was very close to NYC and very far from home and my family. I like millions of others, could not make any sense out of this and had never felt this way before. No real reasoning, but I wanted to go home, be home already. I was alone in a hotel room about 45 minutes from Hartford, where my mode of transportation was no more. Where my twice weekly vehicle was used 4 times, so far, as a shocking, massive weapon against innocent people, against me and my country. I wanted to be home.
There was so much uncertainty about the events and what was actually happening, and kept happening, one after the other, after the other. It was more than my mind could compute and I wasn't alone. I was preparing for the possibility of driving my rental car back to Texas. As truly an unexpected, unprecedented event, all flights were grounded and airports were closed. I was booked to fly home on Thursday which wasn't going to happen. My project manager was from Dallas and talked me into staying one more night and if I had not changed my mind or events escalated, she would drive home with me.
I was glued to the television in my room and told many, I am not working today and I may not work tomorrow. As it turned out, the next day, events had stopped escalating even though the horror of it all continued. Of course, all of our flights had been cancelled for the week and none of us went home. I was safe, my family was safe and we decided to just stay in CT until the next week.
One week and 1 day later, Wednesday night before I was to fly back to Texas on Thursday, I was very nervous. I wasn't afraid of flying, I was afraid of how I would feel walking through the security, through the boarding line, stepping onto that airplane and ultimately sitting in my seat on that plane. I truly had no idea how I was going to feel or react. Was I afraid I was going to die, no. I was afraid of how I was going to feel, sounds the same, but it is different.
I was not afraid I was going to die, odd, I know. I was afraid I was not going to be able to fly again. I flew almost every week with my job, that plane was my car, my commute to work. I was afraid I would not be able to sit there without all those visions of events on that fateful day running through my mind. That I would not be able to fly without those things in my head every time, driving me crazy and making this very normal commute impossible for me to continue.
So on that Thursday, September 20, I believe, there were three of us going to the newly opened airport in Hartford, CT. And as we got there, many hours early on that day, 4, I think, my mind totally and without effort refocused. Curious of course about the new security measures, standing in line with hundreds of other people that I expected was feeling the tension. But past security, my mind, my body, all of me, relaxed into normalcy. I called my mom, as I did before every flight. And as I did every time, I asked her to pray for my safety and I would call her after I landed. She said, without any change in her happy self said, I will, I love you, glad you are coming home.
I stepped onto that plane, took my seat and had no fear. It was like getting into my own car after seeing a bad wreck. All was normal. This was a big thing. Did I look around as I was boarding, looking at the people on my flight, yes. I think we all knew what each other was thinking, feeling, but with no words. I flew home that day and regarding flying with my job, I never skipped a beat.
Did it change all of our lives forever, yes. Did I live in fear, no. Did my packing and security change forever, yes, but all for the good. I was with my sister the other day, out and about and I chuckled when I reached into my purse and pulled my zip lock bag out to find my lip stuff.
Times have changed and they will keep changing. God Bless America, land that I love. And God bless all those who lost their lives and those who lost loved ones on that day. I will never forget.
Watch for the commercial with the New York school kids singing "New York" to the firefighters, I cried. It was great! Smiles, hope, definitely shows 10 years of moving forward, great.
It is interesting that My Cowboys play their first game tonight in New York. We're baaaack... I love the Ryan match up factor, of course Rob is my favorite!!! More on the Cowboys first regular season game later!
PS: Jr is in the chase! :)
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