Through all the chaos, tragedy and loss it felt as though my mind was a radio not quite on the station. The static was there but I couldn't put my finger on it. I couldn't wrap my brain around all that was going on and the "whys" were piling up like an avalanche gone amuck.
It's been over a year now and several losses later I am finally realizing something He wanted me to know. My life compass was spinning around without clear direction. God is great, He really is, but so many times we just cannot fathom His plan, His thought process or what He is trying to do for us.
This something is a very simple point or lesson, if you will. Like where was my mind?? Well it was off kilter, it was.
Very simply it dawned on me today that through all my upsets, losses and just plain lack of happy, God wanted me to know, to feel and to remember that I am not alone. When I need a hug, when I need someone to hold me or tell me everything is going to be alright, I should think of Him first. I am nor will I ever be alone, He is my comfort. He is with me always and I needed to be reminded of that.
As is the case, sometimes in our life, He allows us to be in a valley, wander in the wilderness, be sad, feel alone just to simply remind us He holds the correct compass that never fails, ever.
Do I still have whys? Yes. Do I still have issues not yet resolved? Yes. But I am relaxed in the fact that He is what I have always known and trusted Him to be. My Father, my shelter in the storm, my protector in the battles and the One who made me, loves me and I need to recognize Him, put Him first no matter what. He is everything to me.
Was I a bad person, who fell off a huge wagon somewhere, no. I was hurt, my heart was hurt. Still is in some ways, but the healing is in effect and I know it and I feel it.
Needless to say when I finally got this, this simple and huge lesson lovingly taught to me, it was like wow. How simple was that, we make things so hard sometimes. I know Whom I have believed and He is able. And He is more patient than I deserve. I love Him :) Don't get me wrong, I knew all of this but I wasn't acting on it, I sought elsewhere, I did not literally go to Him first, put Him first, He requires this and I knew that. If there was no one else in my life, would He be enough... Yes Sir, more than, I get it.
So let's get back on the road to happy people! I think I will write some stories again!
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