Hard But Worth It

Very often the journey to God's will is painful. But arriving at His will is Amazing! Keep the faith people, keep moving, the destination is worth it. Be Happy People! I know sometimes it is not easy, but it is not impossible. Happy is a choice... Go for it, what's there to lose right!

It's OK, Do You Hear Me?

It doesn't matter what you have ever or will ever do, nothing will ever make me stop loving you.

My love has always been very tolerant and completely unconditional, but I wish I had said it at least one more time.  One more time.  I used to always say what I feel when I am feeling it, when did I stop doing that?  I wish I had told you one more time.  Everything is ok, I love you no matter what!

Give Me A Minute...

Drawing by Autumn Ives Simo

I know, I know, I know I am acting different, but give me a minute...
Like it or not, one 5 minute phone call, boom, I don't have control over anything.  Of course when did I ever right?
It is hard being tender hearted and strong at the same time, it makes for much mixed emotions.
My daughter and I call it Quad-polar:
Happy
Sad
Angry
Blank
And it is like musical chairs, I never know when the change up is coming!
And yes, if you are in my life, you get to experience it!  :)
It's temporary!  Get over it!  Hang with me!  There are more smiles and laughter than before, so I am on the right track.  God is good and life is anything but boring!

Be Happy People!  And if you aren't happy for a minute, be patient with yourself, change up is on its way!

(There is a beautiful story behind Autie's drawing, I will tell it sometime or I will let her tell it.)

I Cried On A Jetty

I took a day and went to the beach.  If you know me this is a place I love.  It brings me happiness, thoughtfulness, peace and awe.

I drove down and parked by the seawall.  Got out and took a picture of the water, the seemingly never ending waves stretching out across to the horizon.  Speckled with ships way out where the water and the sky meet, waiting, paused in their journeys.

I walked the seawall and at the top of a stairway to the sand I took off my sandals and made my way down.  My feet sunk down into the sand and I wiggled my toes, let the sand sift through them warming my feet and reminding me of where I was.

As I walked towards the water, I watched the few people across the way and of course, the seagulls.  The birds were flying around accepting bits of food from those people.  Others were standing in groups on the wet sand where the waves roll in.  I noticed they were all facing outward as if to watch the water, the horizon, the ships as I always do.  I walked towards them slowly, hoping I would not make them fly away, but rather stand amongst them, join them in their watch.

As my bare feet reached the wet sand and although the water was cold, I welcomed the feeling.  Feeling something, anything other than the pain in my heart was welcome at this time.  I walked out far enough for the waves coming in to wash over my feet and legs.  The chill of it would take my breath for a moment, but I stood and allowed it.  I turned my face toward the horizon, the waves, the wind and the sun.  The sun was warm and I felt at home.  I felt at peace.

To my left was the jetty.  Huge cut blocks of marble placed there years ago to allow people like myself to walk out past the shore.  So I made my way out towards the end of the jetty.  The further out I got, the more intense the waves.  I found myself half way out and sat on one of the huge blocks.  The waves crashing against the jetty would, from time to time, spray across my skin.  Again, it felt good, made me feel awake and alive.

I closed my eyes and began to cry.  I cried and I prayed aloud and asked God all the hard questions.  Questions I knew I would probably not get answers to in my lifetime.  I continued this for almost an hour.  I needed to talk to God, I needed to cry to my God and allow Him to hear me lament, complain, question and just plain come to Him in my great need.

Thank you God for allowing me these times to feel out loud, for my belief and for allowing me happiness in the midst of my grief.  I trust You unconditionally and I thank You for that also.

I choose to be ok people, I choose to be happy, I choose to let God take care of the things I cannot.

Did I Say Life Is Short? Yes I did

Dark days, I have to say it - I lost my grandson.  Life is short people, tell your people you love them constantly, hug them as much as you can and yes, be happy.  Be very happy while you can, it prepares you and others around you for the dark days.

How many times can one person's heart break and still keep living.  I don't know the answer to that, but it seems the answer for me is many.  I don't get it, I really don't but I accept it.  I think that is the key to a lot is that I may not understand God or the universe or life or death but I accept that I don't or won't.  Life is short and we have to keep living it, getting past the bad and keep living it.

God let me get happy again prior to this and it saved me for this one.  God sent me a guardian angel and I cannot imagine having gotten through that horrible, unimaginable week without my guardian angel.  Thank you.

The Whys? I know are not over and I know I will continue to have dark days ahead, but I will not go away again.  I will not stop living.  I will not stop being happy.  Sounds strange but I pretty much checked out before and I am determined not to do it again, it does not solve anything, it does not make the bad go away.  It actually makes the bad a way of life, it hangs around because I let it and it won't happen, again God willing and my determination doesn't falter.

I thought for a minute that I could not imagine writing again, there seemed no way I could type, think, feel or write after this tragedy.  But I reminded myself of what that would mean, so I am putting fingers to keys and will continue to do so, again, God willing and my determination doesn't falter.

I love you Dylan, my heart breaks everyday that I cannot hold you, that I cannot tell you again that I love you, that I will love you and miss you forever until I see you again in heaven.  I love you.

Fly high baby.

Happy Again In The Rain!

Hey People!

I have been away, but intend to pick up the Moody pace!
As you all know I have been sad for awhile but I want you to know that life is good again!

I was outside this morning and in Texas it is chilly and raining.  I first thought, I am sick of cold!  I am a sun baby and I want the sun!  But further thinking I reminded myself that I should not wish time away.  Time passes too quickly and although I am so ready for spring, I do not want time to fly.

A couple of weeks ago I was outside, I like outside, and saw hundreds of birds flying north.  Poor babies they are so confused in Texas.  This morning I saw hundreds of birds flying south, so not sure what we have in store for weather.  I have to keep reminding myself it is only February and winter is not officially over.

And it is raining, I love this slow calming rain.  It cleans the air and it makes me feel lots of things.  This morning it was comforting, calming and a little dreamy.  It reminded me of different times in my life where I was experiencing the rain, times that made me happy.  Happy, remember happy?  There was a break in the rain and I just stood there facing the tiny breeze and closed my eyes enjoying the feeling.  Dreaming of rainy days, times and places in my life, in the past and yet to come.  Good times, not one bad time came to my mind.  Total peace.

So Moody is back to happy!  Happy Rocks!

Slow start?  Maybe, but I will get back to writing, just one of many, many things that I am coming back to.

And as I always say... Be Happy People, if you aren't, find your happy.  Pick one thing that makes you happy and do it, it is so worth it.  Life is short, stop wasting time!

Moody Workin' Blues!

Work Work Work!  I want another Vacation!  or 2 or 3....

If it weren't for the deadlines looming over my head, I wouldn't know what day it was!

But I know too well what day this is and how fast that deadline is zooming its way towards me.  So social life is suffering much!  I definitely don't want to rush that deadline date!  But I cannot wait until it is over and my magnificent creations are delivered and done with!

Of course then starts a new one, but not the same pressure - yet!

So many things I want to be free to do - seeing my family and friends more than 1 second at at time is the first!  Doing some things in my yard, lay out by a pool, get my hair done and a great mani-pedi is on the list!!!  I can't wait to see Cowboys and Aliens - The new Transformers - and I want to see them in the theater!  I rented Sanctum - it was good, but I know it would have been amazing on the big screen!  I want to see Popper's Penguins, Bad Teacher and Bridesmaids too!  There are more new ones coming out but haven't been paying attention lately!  There are even a couple of Omnis I want to see.

And ....   Writing some good Moodies!!!!!  I know I have been falling short in a major way!!  Don't leave me!!

I want to read a new book!!!  Hmmmm which one do I want to read first??  I am soooo behind on reading!  No non-fiction!  I want to go on an adventure, get lost in a mystery or travel to some far away land or let's get the heebie jeebies in a great suspense like Thunderhead!

Can we all say HELLO.... FOOTBALL already!

Needless to say I am working all weekend but about to take a break to go see my Mommie!!!

BE HAPPY PEOPLE - Even if you have to work too much!!!

Tuesday! Back To Work!

From what I can tell from fb, lots of people had lots of fun on Memorial Day weekend.  And very much postings of remembering the reason for the holiday.  Many memories shared and many persons mentioned to remember.

After all the fun, sun, food, good grief I heard about lots of good food!  After all the water, pools, beaches, and such, it is time to pack it in and go back to work.  Brief holiday, but holiday it was.

Don't work too hard, try to get that sunned brain back in gear, I believe I will need a jump start myself!

Happy Tuesday People!

My Gratitude ... Thank You Seems So Small ...

I love God and my country and I am in awe of and am eternally grateful for all the troops throughout time who have fought for and allowed this country to begin and continue to stand strong. There is no repayment for their service to this country, to me, for the sacrifices they have made that is great enough for what they have done and what they still do to this day. Thank you very much with great honor to the troops and the families of the ones who gave their life for this country.

This is me standing next to the American flag amidst the post 911 NYC machinery. The closest I have ever gotten to the battle, I was safe and humbled as troops were running to meet the enemy. Thank you.

I am sure I had ancestors in the wars and battles prior to WWII.  My father and uncles served in WWII before I was born.  My first memory of war was watching as a teenager as friends got their draft letters and left our hometown to serve in Vietnam and watching them come back, some of them, forever changed.  And I remember waiting in fear to see my fiance's draft number.  He was never called, his best friend was and his wife, my best friend went through this very proudly.  He served in Germany, she was able to stay with him there and ultimately all came home safely. 

I remember watching those first scenes of bombs bursting in air and on ground, on CNN, in fear and awe at the beginning the Gulf War. 

And I was less than an hour away on that fateful day on 911.  Having flown the day before, it was so close to my emotions, I just wanted to go home and be with my family not knowing what was to come next, but I couldn't fly home.  This is nothing, absolutely nothing compared to what our troops go through as they wait, plan for or head in to battle. 

I cannot in any form expect my gratitude to hit the mark of being enough but it is my gratitude none the less.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart, and my heart and prayers are with you.

Delusional

Right now I am totally delusional, I think the house is going to clean itself while I go back to bed!

Tofuuuuuti...........

In the movie Overboard, Edward Herrmann as Grant, wistfully missing a "girlfriend" whispers into a vase (as he would a seashell) calling out her name... "Tofuuuuuuti...."

That is how I feel, that is me calling out and missing the beach!!!!  "ocean waves.... water on my feet..."

You know I picked up some shells, but for the life of me I cannot remember what I did with them!

New Posts To Come

Upcoming Posts:
    I Wore Flip Flops To Shirley
    Oak Tree Alternative - Thanks Alot Ike!
    Lots Of Oldness In One Place

Still waiting on the restoration of my prepared posts - I am trying to be patient!
Can't create right now, I am working!

Don't leave me people!!!
   

I Am Seeing That They May Still Be Working On It

They may still be working on restoring.  I have asked the question but no answer yet.  I really hope so.  Restoring previous posts and the ones that were ready to publish will be a good thing.

Well I Am Not Happy

The blogger went down for about 24 hours and although they said they were putting recent blogs back in, mine is gone.

So my last blog is gone and the one I had ready to post is gone also.  I didn't have it saved anywhere but here and it took awhile to do.  It is gone.

Will rewrite but not happy about it.  If my short term memory loss didn't throw it all away...

God Bless Them All

I cannot help but continue to think about those towns and communities that were ravaged by the many tornadoes the other day.  I pray for all those that have lost family and loved ones.

I think of how excited I am for my upcoming vacation and then see the reports on the news and see the completely destroyed  areas.  My heart is saddened.  I know that there have been times in the long past of such tornado devastation but this is the worst I have seen.  So many areas at one time flattened completely.  My heart goes out to them. 

One of my friends like many has lost her job just recently.  Friday she left Texas with a donated van, donated trailer and many donated items, chain saws just to start.  I am so proud of her and just a tad jealous.  What a great thing and probably a sad thing, to be able to go and help support the many who are not only devastated by the loss of their homes and businesses, but also loss of loved ones.

I heard this morning that we will probably see tent cities rise up out of the rubble.  I thought about it and from what I have seen, there are complete towns structurally gone.

I also thought about all the jobs that these people went to everyday, in some places the businesses are gone also, there is no job to go to!  What an abrupt shock to normal life.

So God Bless them all.  The victims, their families, the workers and all those that are there and on their way there to support them.  Tragedy does always bring out the best in people, and from what I have seen, this one is no different.  God Bless them all, very much.

Keep them in your thoughts and prayers people!

Where The Heck Is The Yard Man???

Seriously, I am used to him coming about every 2 to 3 weeks!  And I haven't seen him in a month!

I have never gotten his number, didn't really need it.  He just shows up, does the yard, I pay him and he goes away until next time.  He does the house next door.  We spoke one time and then he started doing mine when he did theirs!  So I keep watching and waiting.  He is very good so I do not want to call someone else!

Now, he may be driving by looking at the front yards to check for need.  And the front yards are not as exhuberant at growing as the back yard.  The front looks fair but the back is slowly becoming High!  But he should know that right?  He is my yard man!

Just thought I would share my befuddlement of missing my yard man!

Recycling - A Big Mess - But I Do It Anyway!

Recycling - what a mess!

I do it and I will keep doing it for sure, but boy does it create a big mess!  I have bags of bags, bags of glass, bags of plastic, etc, etc, etc!

So I have my city recycle trash bin that I put out when it is full, but it is outside.

So I have several different types of bags going on in the house before I take it outside.

Another thing is that not everything can go into that bin!  I have a paper on what they will allow me to put in there and what not to put in.

Plastic bags of course is a NO.  So I have bags of bags waiting to be taken to the grocery store that has a plastic bag recycle container.  Do I ever remember them when I actually go to that store - NO.

And if you didn't know - plastic is not just plastic, is not just plastic.  Some plastic items are recyclable, some are not.

Plastic bottles, they don't tell me not to put them in there, but word is - they are not recyclable.  Oh the horror of that, I drink many times more water if I can drink the bottled water, can't explain it but I do.  And here's a kicker, the lids are a totally different kind of plastic that gums up the machines, so into the trash.  I still put the water bottles in the bin just in case, they didn't tell me not to.

And of course the juice and milk jugs can be put in there but not the waxy paper cartons, don't really use those much anyway.

Pizza boxes are not recyclable, most don't refuse them, surprise, they have been contaminated by grease in the pizza.  So they go into the regular trash.  What a waste!

Did you know that hand dish washing (even pre-dishwater rinsing) uses much more water than running the dishwasher?  I am the ultimate wash before washing person!

Oh and here is a biggie with me - mail!  I might appear to be a hoarder when it comes to paperwork, especially right now.  But the deal is that I cannot put a piece of mail, old bills, paperwork of any kind in the trash or the recycle bin.  That is until it is shredded.  Thus I have boxes of "To Be Shredded" paperwork.  Now I have a shredder, but I can no longer trust the straightline shredder that I own.  Man, this is so rediculous, it sounds borderline phobic!  So the deal is, I can never remember to buy a cross shredder, but I better do that soon, before the shred box takes over my house!!!

Also having lots of house plants is a huge air recycler/cleaner and it produces oxygen, we learned that part in grade school!  Well poor me, I did not get my mom's green thumb.  I am terrible and plants report me to the plant protection agency for abuse!

I do buy recycled paper goods whenever I can, printer paper, envelopes, coffee filters and other various items I find.

I am just one person, but we add up.

Since I have started really recycling, I can tell by just my piece of it how necessary it is.  Not until I started sorting it out, did I realize how big it is in just my own home and how much I use.  And how much just my part will make a difference.  When I think about it, it has kind of taken over, the necessity to recycle or the guilt of when I am in a run and throw something in the normal trash.

Truth is I miss living in the country where you threw food out to feed the critters and you had a burn barrel that completely destroys you paperwork in a way that meets the phobia of not being able to trash paperwork!

Recycle people - when you can!  It is a habit that will fast become part of your life!

I am sure someone somewhere with one of those big huge brains will figure out what we can do with all those water bottles!  Someday.

Moody Monday And A Little Bit Of Rat Pack

Don't you just hate Monday mornings at the job!  I have always said Monday should be part of the weekend, transition day at the very least!  Startup should be gradual to ward off any misfires!

The brain is just not quite returned from the weekend and ultimately feels like a fog.  I don't like early Monday morning meetings, too early to think clearly or remember where you left off last week in multiple projects!

Went to see mom, she is doing well.  Shopped for vacation, spent more money than I wanted even though I was frugal!  Watched the race!  Exciting and Jr came in 4th!

Our girls trip coming up is on the coast and our theme this year is Rat Pack.  We have rented the house that the Rat Pack of the sixties used to stay in to party hearty!  Even the past president has stayed in this house.

So we are each adorning ourselves with the applicable Fedora!  We will have much fun going to the beach, eating seafood, our regular trip to Tortuga's and of course having our own Rat Pack pool at the house!

Kind of bummed at this late date I haven't done any pre-tanning at all so will have to watch out for the all too well known, first time out in the sun - burn!

But back to today!  Monday morning Moody - drinking lots of coffee, going through lots of emails and trying my best to kick start my work brain because it is stalled and not ready for action - yet!

Have a wonderful Moody Monday people!!!! 

In Your Right Steps?

Remember when I once said "I am easily awed?"

Ever felt like you are right outside of your own steps. 

Oops I missed stepped and now I am just one step away from my own life's steps.

Nothing serious mind you, but I must work toward that correct step again.  Get back to experiencing those awe moments rather than just remembering them.

Point taken, constructing a plan.

Dark Alleys

In the movies or crime shows...
Why do people always choose the dark alleys to walk home at night?
Why do people always run into the dark alley when someone is chasing them?
Why do people walk to the darkest part of a parking garage, alone when they hear a noise instead of getting into their car to drive over there???
Just wondering...